Life More Brilliant...

Things are good. I am enjoying the summer here in FL with my family. Blendi and I have been to the beach several times. I found a bunch of shells at the Navarre Beach about a week ago. Blendi and I had a really good time scavenging for shells. Tuesday we went to Panama City but, it was all filled with Seaweed. We then went to crab Island in Destin (which was nice). Of course, we took a lot of pictures! I enjoy that.
My birthday is this month but, I don't have any plans yet. I think I want some new lip gloss from Dillards...I love those juicy tubes. I will probably just go there on my b-day and pick out some (since that's how we usually buy presents).
Well, anyways...summer is nice. The weather is hot...I keep on getting mosquito bites on my legs when I go walking around the block or outdoor to take pictures. Time to get some bug off spray stuff.
I have to go make Blendi's lunch right now.

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http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/whatamilike/index.shtml

Results

Your answers suggest you are an Idealist

The four aspects that make up this personality type are:

Summary of Idealists

• Make sense of the world using inner values
• Focus on personal growth and the growth of others
• Think of themselves as bright, forgiving and curious
• May sometimes appear stubborn

More about Idealists

Idealists put time and energy into developing personal values that they use as a guide through life. They may seek fulfilment by helping others improve themselves and often want to make the world a better place. Idealists only share their inner values with people they respect.

Idealists enjoy discussions about a wide range of topics, particularly those that deal with the future. They are typically easy-going and flexible, but if their values are challenged they may refuse to compromise.

In situations where they can’t use their talents or are unappreciated, Idealists may have trouble expressing themselves and withdraw. Under extreme stress, Idealists may become very critical of others, or lose confidence in their own ability to cope.

Recognition for their work is important to Idealists; however, they are also good at spotting false praise.

Idealist Careers

Idealists are often drawn to jobs where they can help people reach their potential. They are also attracted to careers that allow artistic creativity.

It's important to remember that no survey can predict personality type with 100 percent accuracy. Experts say that we should use personality type to better understand ourselves and others, but shouldn't feel restricted by our results.

Overall results

The graph below shows the percentage of people with each personality type out of everyone who has taken this test.

Big Thinkers
Counsellors
Go-getters
Idealists
Innovators
Leaders
Masterminds
Mentors
Nurturers
Peacemakers
Performers
Providers
Realists
Resolvers
Strategists
Supervisors

Does anyone know if that movie is supposed to be good? I just feel like I have to see it...it seems like one of those movies I would like (but not sure). I think it's coming out tomorrow.

If anyone can think up any other fun games with the IMDB that would be cool...I guess we could always do another ten quotes...but, I don't know if anyone would answer them the 2nd time around...all of my first ones didn't get guessed but...I'll answer them if no one does in a few days.
I was just thinking about some of my favorite movies...I have seen a few good ones to add to the list in recent months that are definitely worth mentioning.
So here they are:
1)August Rush
2)Stardust
3)Enchanted (That was cute)
4)The Painted Veil
5)The Last King of Scotland
6)Atonement
7)Juno
8)Cloverfield

The one that was my favorite was "Juno"...then maybe "August Rush".
Atonment wasn't all that it was cracked up to be but, I still enjoyed it.

1. Pick 10 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Fill in the film title once it's guessed.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search functions


*1.Cooper, you're an amazing dancer, and you're a great choreographer, but as a boyfriend... you kinda suck. (Right on velvetangel...you got a few of them...This is indeed "Center Stage").

2.I knew when I married you that you were selfish and spoiled. But I loved you. I knew you only married me to get as far away from your mother as possible. And I hoped that one day... there'd be something more. I was wrong. You don't have it in you.

3.You came to Africa to play the White Man, but we are real! This room is real! And when you die? It will be the first real thing you have ever done!

*4.Jamie saved my life. She taught me everything. About life, hope and the long journey ahead. I'll always miss her. But our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it. (Good guess again velvetangel...It is "A Walk to Remember").

5.Now, say you're a bird.

6.We bear our souls and tell the most appalling secrets.

*7.You must know... surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. (And yep! This is "Pride and Predjudice...one of my favorites...I figured you would know that one too.

8.The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.

9.Sammy, Sammy this is mommy. Can you hear me? The nice man in the store let me talk to you on their big radio. Sammy, if you can hear me listen carefully. Mommy's sorry, Sammy. Remember when mommy bought you a big bag of popcorn last week? Sammy, go to the popcorn machine. Mommy has a big bag of popcorn for you. I will buy you a new toy, just don't be angry any more. And Sammy... mommy loves you, dear.

*10.I am a choreographer. That's what I do. You are cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded. What you do is a tiny, pathetic subset of dancing. I will attempt to turn your robotic routines into poetry, written with the human body. Follow me, or perish, sweater monkeys. (I don't know how to cross it out...but good job mysteena. It is "Bring it On")

Well, things are going alright. Blendi and I are moving back to FWB next month. Our lease is ending in the end of March. Blendi is tired of working at Rent-A-Center and, he gave notice to quit about a month ago. So, they ended up demoting him so, a new Manager could come in before he left. That was crappy.
I am happy that we are moving back. Ocala never felt like home. You couldn't just drive to the beach when your bored and, my family is not there. But, worst of all...it is just a boring, dry town. If you don't have money or people to hang out with, it's even worse. I went to several State Parks near Ocala (which I enjoyed immensely). I just feel like I got my fill of everything there.
I don't know what is going to make things so much better when we move back but, FWB is not too bad. It is familiar and it has a cool feel to it (mostly because of the living in coastal town I'd say).
Blendi and I have considered living in Utah but, it is just a very confusing prospect. I know he would have some Albanian friends there but, I don't have any friends there. I selfishly feel like that would cause some major problems in our relationship. There are many job and educational opportunities in Utah. Of course the church is strong there. Maybe I could meet some people at church but, I wouldn't count on it. People are supposed to reach out to you at church but, in my experience people aren't perfect (especially church members). I haven't really been to too many super friendly wards. Plus Utah is freaking cold in the winter, also don't like driving in snow/ice. I wouldn't say that I wouldn't consider living there. I just don't really feel that good about the prospect right now. Blendi put the idea into my head...I am an adventerous person ( I just don't want to make another adventerous mistake). My mom likes the idea of having a relative in Utah. But, 75 percent sure that won't happen with me.

Other things: Blendi had surgery Friday morning early in Santa Rosa Beach's Sacred Heart Hospital on his sinuses. We had to be there at 630am. I think I was more anxious than Blendi was. I couldn't sleep Thurs. night so, I was extremely tired on Friday-day. We were at the hospital until about 2pm but, it felt like so much longer. I kept trying to fall asleep in the chair in the surgery waiting room but, of course I couldn't sleep there. I kept getting updates every hour on how Blendi was doing. We waited about 2 and half hours together before he went into surgery in "surgery pre-opt" whatever it's called. Then the procedure took three hours about. It took nearly two hours for Blendi to wake up from the anesthesia enough to get dressed. Then I ran to the car in the pouring rain and drove Blendi home from Santa Rosa Beach...talk about stressful! I could barely see the road at times and, I was trying to be so careful because of Blendi's condition. The surgery went well...they found a lot of disease in his sinuses and also pus and some other crap that they took out. They widened his nasal pasages so, that his sinuses can drain better and did a culture of the crap inside. Blendi vomited about 5 times yesterday hardcore. I was freaking out because his nose kept bleeding. I kept having to change the bandage under his nose (which looks absolutely awful).
Today he is doing much better. No vomiting...the hard part is over. His nose just has to heal now. They put packing in it which disoves by it's self and stint which has to be removed in three weeks. I don't know when we are heading home. Hard to tell. Blendi has a two week work excuse but, I don't think he will use it.

About Ed: He will be coming home from the hospital in Pensacola on Friday of next week. His sons are helping to build a bedroom/bathroom downstairs (since he can't move the right side of his body now, he can't walk upstairs). That project is going well. The plumbing is done and the framework for the bathroom. They are going to repaint the wall to a darker and more bedroomy color and put in berber carpet.
I have been trying to help mom tidy the house and cook. I think I have been a great help in getting the house together after they took every thing out of the family room and put it in the middle of the living room.
I have to go now and say good night to Blendi.

Things are going alright...we went to visit Ed tonight. He was doing well...able to talk but, a little hard to understand at times. He seemed to be doing much better.
Nothing much new to talk about. But, life is okay right now.
Blendi still works too much...I'm still looking for work.
I'm not happy with myself right now. My face keeps breaking out...I can't wear makeup until it clears up. It has been like this for four months now since I moved here.
I also can't tan and, I want to lose weight. Other than that I am in good spirits.
I have hopes to grow my hair out long by summer, ditch the Uticaria (heat allergies I am having), get a tan (if not real than fake), and lose 20-30 Ibs. or more, OH yeah and my face must clear up...I have to drink water! So, there are all the things I'm unhappy about with myself. Never gonna be perfect I guess but, hopefully close to it.

Me taking pictures with my camera at "Paradise Point" in FWB.

Me and My Dad at Gran's house.

Me and Blendi next to the waffle house in the plaza by Brooks Bridge in FWB.

I went to sleep at 9pm last night and woke up at 12a.m. Ever since, I have not been able to sleep.
So, here I am at 530am and still awake (downloading movies off of the internet). So, far this week I have downloaded..."Becoming Jane", "Ratatouille", "A Mighty Heart", and "We Are Marshall". I also downloaded "The Notebook" by accident. It was supposed to be "Alien Vs. Predator: R". I got an update on my limewire which costed 67 bucks. I now have a turbo connection, better protection against spyware, and something else which I can't remember. It was supposed to be limewire pro but, I ended up with something called 360 sharepro. I don't know if it's the same thing.
Anyways...it seems to be working. It is really hard to find new releases and movies in the theatres but, sometimes they can be found. I just hope that I don't get a call from Cox communications (as my bro. did at home for downloading video games). That would put a damper on my downloading habits for sure. But, for now...I'm having fun. :)
There is not much new to talk about in my life. I need a job but...I have been putting it off. Everytime I have an interview...I feel dejected after they don't call me. I just don't have any job experience (who wants to hire a 29 year old with no job experience)? I suppose, I'll just have to keep searching.
I really just want to move back to FWB. I miss it and, I wish Blendi could find a good job there (and that we had the money to move). Perhaps a miracle will happen. My mom is handing out Blendi's resume' to some friends of hers. I am tired of Blendi being in the rental biz. He is home late every night of the week and too tired to do anything on Sundays. He is stressed out and tired all of the time (which causes many conflicts between the two of us which, I feel what not otherwise occur). I'm not saying things would be great if he didn't work late all of the time...but, they would definitely be better. Every waking hour, he is working. He comes home at midnight and, stays up for a couple of hours more just to be alive and not at work. Then he is always tired. He is on a salary so, he doesn't need to work this much. The pressure is high in his job to perform and get the numbers down. His boss was just fired last week and the boss above his boss was fired. He now has a new District Manager (who seems to be cool according to Blendi's first impression). He doesn't like for the employees to work overtime so, that's good.
Hopefully Blendi will have to start coming home earlier. I couldn't hope for more than 10pm but, it would be a start.
Blendi and I's relationship has been conflicted (up and down) for the past four years. We love each other...we hate each other, then love each other again.
I have suggested couples therapy but, Blendi vehemently refuses to even talk about it.
I think that getting back to church would help us feel more in touch with our spiritual lives and each other. I have made that a goal for this year. We also want to be married in the temple at some point and have a family. Blendi seems to think that we need to start having babies sometime this year. We will see about that. I do want to be a mother (but at the right time). I would never bring a child into a stressed out environment. We have to get some things solved with our financial situation and our relationship. Hopefully we will be able to progress on both of those issues. Something inside of me tells me that Blendi will mellow out more when he becomes a father but, it is just too much of risk to take. Things need to be settled between both of us before that happens. I don't like arguing and, I don't want tension in my life all the time. I can't stand it but, I can't seem to get away from what this relationship has become ( a constant struggle to not do anything wrong to upset my husband). Every time he gets mad at me...I retaliate by spending money or something stupid like that (which makes him mad again when he finds out). Sometimes...I don't even mean to make him mad. Last week I gave into these teenage kids that were selling magazine subscriptions...I was so stupid but, they looked legit. But, Blend got so pissed at me for spending 48 bucks and giving a check with our account info to total strangers. My mom was there and, she didn't say anything to stop me. But, it's my fault. I just feel like a horrible person and, I felt bad about it all of last week and until I told Blendi today that a check will be coming through. He just flipped out and, told me he wanted a divorce (which in turn made me mad). He got over it after a few hours at work but, it's not always like that. Sometimes it takes him a day or two to stop being mad at me and, I usually can't handle that so, we end up have some big screaming matches. I just wish that things like this would never happen. I just can't seem to be the right person for him. According to him...I keep making mistakes and messing up this relationship. It's just hard because, we never have money. That's why I need a job and independence I guess. It's a vicious cycle.
This is my venting space... I don't really expect anyone to help me or give me advice (but anyone can). I don't expect any magic answers. I just keep hoping that things will change. I don't know if they will but, I have to keep hoping. I love Blendi even though, I get so mad at him. I just hope that we will be able to work things out. I'm tired of hurting and hurting everyone around me with my hurt. That's a vicious cycle too I guess.
I have a lot of unresolved feelings tonight. Tomorrow will be a better day. Every day is better, every day that I understand more about my life, and that I have the opportunity to change things.

I want to move back to FWB...christmas did not feel like Christmas this year. I miss my family, shopping at the mall, the Destin Commons, my friends, my ward.
I want to go back to school and get a degree. I'm not sure exactly what but, at some point and time I want to do something new with my life.
I want to lose weight and be skinny.
I want to get over everything that's stopping me from being the person I want to be.
I want to be happy, and creative, and fulfilled. I want to feel accomplished in everything I do.

I feel like doing an art project...I think I'll make a collage out of a bunch of different stuff and paint or something.
Blendi and i will be leaving to go to FWB tommorow...I'll have to visit Ed sometime also during the day tommorow.

Everything is going swell here. 9 days until Christmas! I have not gotten Blendi a present yet. I don't have any money. I am hoping to get a job I applied for this last week. If not...I will apply somewhere else. I should be applying other places I suppose. I have not been to visit Ed since Sunday. Blendi and I spent a couple of hours on Sunday.
I hope to go to the butterfly rainforest tommorrow in Gainsville with Blendi. It is at the Museum of Natural History or whatever.
I am hoping for a new camera lens for Christmas.
Life is good. :)

Blendi took today off...what a surprise it was! We had a good monopoly match up last night and again today. Blendi narrowly won both times of course...that tyrant!
It was a pretty much relaxing day...I had an interview for a job that lasted over an hour. That was the tiring part of the day but, I got over it after a few diet cokes and some good old caffeine.
We went to the duck pond in our apt. building and, I took photos of the ducks and the chicks. We fed them hot dog buns. They seemed to like it better than the cinnamon bread and rice crispies that I fed them last time.
We also went to the mall in Gainsville. We didn't really buy anything. We both got a very expensive cookie from Mrs. Fields. Blendi got some hair slick stuff from the body shop (some of the same stuff that I got him for Christmas last year). He had finally run out and desparately needed more.
I didn't make us dinner tonight...we ate MCDonalds...it was gross. The McChicken sandwich is just sick and wrong.
Well...after a very long day, I will go to bed and sleep peacefully hopefully. I have been having dreadful dreams lately. Well, very vivid and nightmarish. But, I have been taking benadryill sometimes at night. Lately, for the past few weeks...I itch all over when I get hot, whenever I do anything that makes me hot like being out in the sun, taking a hot shower, blowdrying my hair, and even the steam from the iron. It drives me absolutely wild...my skin starts pricking and then comes the itching all over and then the heart pounding if the itching doesn't subside. It only last a few minutes but, it's rather annoying. Well...I can deal with it.
Time to send out Christmas Cards too...yeah!

Mom is getting her gamoglobulin treatment and, I decided to come home with her for a few days. I'll help her clean. I already started. Kevin had the house in a shambles as to be expected of boys his age I guess. Blendi doesn't know how to keep our house clean while I'm gone away but, he works all day.
I wanna go out and take some photos at the beach and some places like that.
I'm doing alright. I'm not happy with my hair color as usual. I wish I could get it professionally done and get my eye brows tweezed. I wish I had the money to go tanning. I hate how short my hair is right now.

I have not had much time to write in my live journal. Blendi/and or I have been to Gainsville to visit Ed almost every day since Saturday. I feel really horribly for him. I didn't think he looked as good today as on previous visits...Probably because his bandages needed changing. Mom will leave tomm. for home and, I'll try and go there as much as I can. I still do not know what Blendi and I will do for Thanksgiving. We will probably stay here. I would like to go to home but, it would be very stressful as Blendi only has one day off. Plus, we probably need to stay here to check on Ed... I feel.
I really don't like it here in Ocala, I would like to go back home. I think BLendi would too. but, we need the money right now. money, money, money, blah!
G'night.

I decided to change my user name...I got bored with sablecalm. Anyways...I think my new name is pretty cool.
I haven't really done much lately besides the usual. I did however start my volunteer work for the "Therapeutic Riding Association". My second day will be next week. I went through an orientation and got a tour. I watched a horse get his hooves clipped and filed. Fun stuff!
Well...I have got to get Blendi's clothes ironed and take a shower. I have to make dinner after I take a shower if I can find anything to make. This is where imagination comes in handy. We are pretty low on money. Blendi's immigration thing costs us 700 dollars and, we had to send it too. We are short on money this week. I don't know where we are going to get it. We are out of everything too...laundry degertent,dishwasher detergent, napkins etc...Blendi won't use the credit cards (which is good). They are what is killing us in the first place. Not to mention that Blendi has not been getting his bonuses here or anything like what we used to get. We make about 8 or 900 dollars less a month. I don't know how we are getting by with our bills (which is why I really need to find a job). Sad but, true. I want one...I just hope I can find one with no experience to speak of. I guess I better try.
Anyways...I am having fun with my camera...it just doesn't focus too well on thing close up. I ordered a diopter on ebay for 5 dollars. Blendi's gonna kick my butt when he finds out. We don't have the money. Ooops. Well, we are like over a hundred dollars short this week anyways....I guess that extra five dollars is not going to kill us (as we have to find the money somewhere anyways). I just hope that we have some reserve somewhere (even though in the back of my mind I don't think that we do). Blendi is always keeping secrets from me. He told me that we would go get the laundry detergent today...but when I asked him how and drilled him...he kept telling me that we would find a way "Don't worry, yada, yada, yada..." Oh well.
Things have been going better between Blendi and me I think. It's hard to tell how things have improved or not over time...I can't really say for sure. Sometimes we have bad arguments but...the makeup time seems to be getting less (maybe). We are used to it.
Blendi works way too much. I see that as a major contribution to our problems. He never gets enough sleep and is sometimes extremely grouchy. I usually see him around 11 or 12 at night (10 pm if I'm lucky and if I'm very lucky then...8-10pm. That has only happened a few times before.
Life is alright though. I guess I am happy enough.
Well...I need to go cook.